Writing and journaling is a powerful tool to help work through emotions and care for your mental health during stressful times. Research shows that writing for 15 minutes a day for four consecutive days can have beneficial effects on our immune system, sleep patterns, anxiety, depression, and even arthritis. Truthfully, journaling can look different for everyone and there’s no right or wrong way to go about it. Below, are some different ways that journaling can be useful.
This type of journaling is similar to having a diary and keeping a daily log of events. This style can be extremely effective in combating gaslighting or in trying to document abuse or experiences for a custody case. It is important when doing this kind of journaling to keep your safety in mind and assess whether or how to keep a journal.
Journaling can be a safe way to process traumatic events. While it may be tempting to bury or ignore your feelings, this isn’t sustainable in the long term. Translating thoughts into words changes how our brain thinks about things so this can act as a great way to process emotions and what happened.
If you are preparing to leave a partner or a dangerous situation, journaling can help you keep track of what steps are necessary to help you leave safely. For example, in what ways are you currently unsafe? What obstacles are there to being safe? How can you plan around those challenges? Although a journal can be a helpful tool, it can also be dangerous if it gets into your partner’s hands. For this reason, it is crucial that you keep your journal in a safe place.
If you struggle with anxious thoughts, one way that can help you deal with this is the “brain dump” strategy. This is when you simply write everything down that’s bothering you as quickly as possible, in whatever format, without judging your writing. Writing down your thoughts can force your brain to bring them to completion, instead of spiraling out. Seeing everything on paper may also make things seem more manageable, and allow you to start planning instead of worrying.
Credits to: loveisrespect.org
Labels have the power to polarize, mobilize, and revolutionize. In so many ways, labeling provides recognition and acknowledgment, two fundamental basic human needs. In this post, I explore the choice of labels to encourage reflection on what we are recognizing and acknowledging. When we talk about sexual and physical violence, do we use the “victim” label or “survivor” label?
Some people would argue that labels don’t matter. However, in our society, there is a growing emphasis on the need to respect labels with which we identify, exemplified in gender-neutral pronouns “they/them.” Some believe that forcing the use of gender-neutral pronouns is a slippery slope to radical policing of everyday speech. In Canada, using the term “Aboriginal” as opposed to “Indigenous Peoples” is believed to reflect an archaic understanding that fails to recognize Indigenous Peoples in Canada as distinct, separate Nations. In South Africa’s apartheid, the legal classification into a racial group or label determined if you were a second-class citizen, your rights, and your entitlements.
Regardless which side of the debate you may align with, engaging in the debate is evidence that labels do matter.
When it comes to using the “victim” label or “survivor” label, what connotations do each of these hold? Furthermore, how do we reconcile the labels we give ourselves and the labels that others impose on us?
In the 1970s, victimology first became a separate scientific field to spread recognition for the victims’ cause. Particularly, the Feminist Movement demanded recognition for victims in the criminal justice system. Victimization was used to draw attention to the plight of marital rape and domestic violence.
The first international legal instrument to recognize victims of crime and abuse of power was the 1985 UN Declaration of Basic Principles of Justice for Victims of Crime Abuse of Power. Under this declaration, victims are entitled to treatment with compassion and respect for their dignity, access to mechanisms of justice and prompt redress, strengthened judicial and administrative mechanisms to obtain redress through procedures that are expeditious, fair, inexpensive and accessible. In this regard, the “victim” label provides a legal mechanism of entitlement, empowerment, and recognition. In this regard, there is power in the term victim to evoke worthiness of compassion, empathy, and solutions for one’s fate.
Each time a survivor resurfaced, people were quick to say what does she want, why did it take her so long, why now, why not then, why not faster. […] Why don’t we ask her how it was possible she lived with that hurt for so long, ask who taught her to never uncover it.
Chanel Miller, Author of “Know My Name”
From a legal perspective, a sexual assault or physical assault is a crime and a person subject to a crime is a victim. Criminology researcher, Dr. Jo-Anne Wemmers suggests that “being a victim is not a permanent state, however, and it is only after recognition of the victimization that recovery begins.” Furthermore, ingrained in the “victim” label is accountability of a perpetrator in that someone else is responsible for what has happened. In the justice system, accountability underlies the notion that the offender should be punished, and reparations should be made to the victim. Therefore, identifying yourself as a “victim” for a transient period of time can acknowledge an early stage on the path to recovery and that the convicted is at fault.
In 2016, President Obama signed the historic Survivors’ Bill of Rights Act. The bill gives survivors the right to have a rape kit preserved for the length of the case’s statute of limitation, to be notified of evidence kit’s destruction, and to be informed about results of forensic exams. The bill was championed by Amanda Nguyen, a self-proclaimed sexual assault “survivor”, who has her sights set on the UN to pass a resolution guaranteeing civil rights to survivors worldwide. This is not to say that you must win a historic battle against the criminal justice system to embrace the “survivor” label. There are many stages to survive post-assault, and those who have experienced even just one stage can be deserving of the “survivor” label.
In 2000, psychology researcher Monica Thompson found that the label “survivor” carried connotations of strength and recovery. The label “survivor” may suggest a latter stage of recovery. The “survivor” label can suggest resilience and a commitment to seek justice for both oneself and to protect others. The “survivor” label may accurately appreciate the reality, gravity, and trauma of the experience, while acknowledging that it is in the past, you continue to be resilient, and live on despite it.
Studies have found that on average, self-labeled survivors, victims, or those who identify with neither do not differ in self-blaming, endorsement of rape myths, and self-compassion. I would argue that the path to healing and recovery is individualized and when we typecast women who have experienced sexual or physical violence, we risk losing the power of individuality of experience and identity. Thompson has found that women who have experienced rape use both labels of “rape victim” and “rape survivor” depending on the context to formulate their experiences with rape in their own ways. For example, the participants would describe themselves as a “victim” in court and a “survivor” among friends. Context-dependent terms can empower you to shape your own identity and social realities.
Labels will have a different impact on each of us, so I encourage you to choose what resonates with you and empowers you. You, as you are, are worthy of compassion and empathy for your dignity regardless of your choice of label. There is merit and power in your choice to label yourself a “victim” or a “survivor”.
There is also merit and power in rejecting any label and identifying yourself as a person first and your experiences as simply parts that have formed your identity. Although labeling can concretize ambiguous experiences, that may not be what you need at this particular stage or even on this particular day. Not labeling can allow for a greater range of perceived identities and relationships beyond your past experiences.
At the end of the day, it is your choice.
Written by: Jenna Kara
What are helpful steps I can take for coping with sexual assault?
It can be extraordinarily difficult to admit that you were raped or sexually assaulted. There is a stigma attached and it can make you feel dirty or weak. You may also be afraid of how others will react. Will they judge you? Look at you differently? It seems easier to downplay what happened or keep it a secret. But when you stay silent, you deny yourself help and reinforce your victimhood.
Reach out to someone you trust. It’s common to think that if you don’t talk about your rape, it didn’t really happen. But you can’t heal when you’re avoiding the truth and hiding only adds to feelings of shame. As scary as it is to open up, it will set you free. However, it’s important to be selective about who you tell, especially at first. Your best bet is someone who will be supportive, empathetic, and calm. If you don’t have someone you trust, talk to a therapist or call a rape crisis hotline.
Consider joining a support group for other rape or sexual abuse survivors. Support groups can help you feel less isolated and alone. They also provide invaluable information on how to cope with symptoms and work towards recovery. If you can’t find a support group in your area, look for an online group.
Even if you intellectually understand that you’re not to blame for the rape or sexual attack, you may still struggle with a sense of guilt or shame. These feelings can surface immediately following the assault or arise years after the attack. But as you acknowledge the truth of what happened, it will be easier to fully accept that you are not responsible. You did not cause the assault and you have nothing to be ashamed about.
Feelings of guilt and shame often stem from misconceptions such as:
You didn’t stop the assault from happening. After the fact, it’s easy to second guess what you did or didn’t do. But when you’re in the midst of an assault, your brain and body are in shock. You can’t think clearly. Many people say they feel “frozen.” Don’t judge yourself for this natural reaction to trauma. You did the best you could under extreme circumstances. If you could have stopped the assault, you would have.
You trusted someone you “shouldn’t” have. One of the most difficult things to deal with following an assault by someone you know is the violation of trust. It’s natural to start questioning yourself and wondering if you missed warning signs. Just remember that your attacker is the only one to blame. Don’t beat yourself up for assuming that your attacker was a decent human being. Your attacker is the one who should feel guilty and ashamed, not you.
You were drunk or not cautious enough. Regardless of the circumstances, the only one who is responsible for the assault is the perpetrator. You did not ask for it or deserve what happened to you. Assign responsibility where it belongs: on the rapist.
When you go through something stressful, your body temporarily goes into “fight-or-flight” mode. When the threat has passed, your body calms down. But traumatic experiences such as rape can cause your nervous system to become stuck in a state of high alert. You’re hypersensitive to the smallest of stimuli. This is the case for many rape survivors. Flashbacks, nightmares, and intrusive memories are extremely common, especially in the first few months following the assault. If your nervous system remains “stuck” in the long-term and you develop post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), they can last much longer.
To reduce the stress of flashbacks and upsetting memories:
Try to anticipate and prepare for triggers. Common triggers include anniversary dates; people or places associated with the rape; and certain sights, sounds, or smells. If you are aware of what triggers may cause an upsetting reaction, you’ll be in a better position to understand what’s happening and take steps to calm down.
Pay attention to your body’s danger signals. Your body and emotions give you clues when you’re starting to feel stressed and unsafe. These clues include feeling tense, holding your breath, racing thoughts, shortness of breath, hot flashes, dizziness, and nausea.
Take immediate steps to self-soothe. When you notice any of the above symptoms, it’s important to quickly act to calm yourself down before they spiral out of control. One of the quickest and most effective ways to calm anxiety and panic is to slow down your breathing.
It’s not always possible to prevent flashbacks. But if you find yourself losing touch with the present and feeling like the sexual assault is happening all over again, there are actions you can take.
Accept and reassure yourself that this is a flashback, not reality. The traumatic event is over and you survived. Here’s a simple script that can help: “I am feeling [panicked, frightened, overwhelmed, etc.] because I am remembering the rape/sexual assault, but as I look around I can see that the assault isn’t happening right now and I’m not actually in danger.”
Ground yourself in the present. Grounding techniques can help you direct your attention away from the flashback and back to your present environment. For example, try tapping or touching your arms or describing your actual environment and what you see when look around—name the place where you are, the current date, and 3 things you see when you look around.
Since your nervous system is in a hypersensitive state following a rape or assault, you may start trying to numb yourself or avoid any associations with the trauma. But you can’t selectively numb your feelings. When you shut down the unpleasant sensations, you also shut down your self-awareness and capacity for joy. You end up disconnected both emotionally and physically—existing, but not fully living.
Signs that you’re avoiding and numbing in unhelpful ways:
Feeling physically shut down. You don’t feel bodily sensations like you used to (you might even have trouble differentiating between pleasure and pain).
Feeling separate from your body or surroundings (you may feel like you’re watching yourself or the situation you’re in, rather than participating in it).
Having trouble concentrating and remembering things.
Using stimulants, risky activities, or physical pain to feel alive and counteract the empty feeling inside of you.
Compulsively using drugs or alcohol.
Escaping through fantasies, daydreams, or excessive TV, video games, etc.
Feeling detached from the world, the people in your life, and the activities you used to enjoy.
It’s common to feel isolated and disconnected from others following a sexual assault. You may feel tempted to withdraw from social activities and your loved ones. But it’s important to stay connected to life and the people who care about you. Support from other people is vital to your recovery. But remember that support doesn’t mean that you always have to talk about or dwell on what happened. Having fun and laughing with people who care about you can be equally healing.
Challenge your sense of helplessness and isolation. Trauma leaves you feeling powerless and vulnerable. It’s important to remind yourself that you have strengths and coping skills that can get you through tough times. One of the best ways to reclaim your sense of power is by helping others: volunteer your time, give blood, reach out to a friend in need, or donate to your favorite charity.
Participate in social activities, even if you don’t feel like it. Do “normal” things with other people, things that have nothing to do with the sexual trauma.
Reconnect with old friends. If you’ve retreated from relationships that were once important to you, make the effort to reconnect.
Make new friends. If you live alone or far from family and friends, try to reach out and make new friends. Take a class or join a club to meet people with similar interests, connect to an alumni association, or reach out to neighbours or work colleagues.
Healing from sexual trauma is a gradual, ongoing process. It doesn’t happen overnight, nor do the memories of the trauma ever disappear completely. This can make life seem difficult at times. But there are many steps you can take to cope with the residual symptoms and reduce your anxiety and fear.
Take time to rest and restore your body’s balance. That means taking a break when you’re tired and avoiding the temptation to lose yourself by throwing yourself into activities. Avoid doing anything compulsively, including working. If you’re having trouble relaxing and letting down your guard, you may benefit from relaxation techniques such as meditation and yoga.
Be smart about media consumption. Avoid watching any program that could trigger bad memories or flashbacks. This includes obvious things such as news reports about sexual violence and sexually explicit TV shows and movies. But you may also want to temporarily avoid anything that’s over-stimulating, including social media.
Take care of yourself physically. It’s always important to eat right, exercise regularly, and get plenty of sleep—but even more so when you’re healing from trauma. For more advice on getting better sleep, click here. Exercise in particular can soothe your traumatized nervous system, relieve stress, and help you feel more powerful and in control of your body.
It’s frightening to get back in touch with your body and feelings following a sexual trauma. In many ways, rape makes your body the enemy, something that’s been violated and contaminated—something you may hate or want to ignore. It’s also scary to face the intense feelings associated with the assault. But while the process of reconnecting may feel threatening, it’s not actually dangerous. Feelings, while powerful, are not reality. They won’t hurt you or drive you insane. The true danger to your physical and mental health comes from avoiding them.
Once you’re back in touch with your body and feelings, you will feel more safe, confident, and powerful. You can achieve this through the following techniques:
Rhythmic movement. Rhythm can be very healing. It helps us relax and regain a sense of control over our bodies. Anything that combines rhythm and movement will work: dancing, drumming, marching. You can even incorporate it into your walking or running routine by concentrating on the back and forth movements of your arms and legs.
Mindfulness meditation. You can practice mindfulness meditation anywhere, even while you are walking or eating. Simply focus on what you’re feeling in the present movement—including any bodily sensations and emotions. The goal is to observe without judgement.
Yoga, Tai Chi, and Qigong. These activities combine body awareness with relaxing, focused movement and can help relieve symptoms of PTSD and trauma.
Massage. After rape, you may feel uncomfortable with human touch. But touching and being touched is an important way we give and receive affection and comfort. You can begin to reopen yourself to human contact through massage therapy.
Download the full Regional Guide for Durham or download each chapter individually. Keep these guides available for when they’re needed.
Download the full Regional Guide for Kingston or download each chapter individually. Keep these guides available for when they’re needed.
Before court, sexual assault is thought of as a “he said, she said,” in the sense that it rests on the testimonies of the complainant and the accused. When the complainant’s version and the accused’s version of the event are starkly different, the main issues may be credibility and reliability in a finding of guilt or innocence.
It is important to distinguish between credibility and reliability. Credibility relates to sincerity or truthfulness, while reliability relates to the accuracy of their account of the evidence. A witness may be credible, but not reliable. For example, someone who has convinced themselves that an inaccurate version of the event is correct and they are persuasive in their demeanor about what they believe is true would demonstrate credibility. However persuasive, their account of the event may show many divergences from the evidence reflecting what actually happened and therefore would not be reliable.
Assessing credibility is not a science (R v Dinardo). Although there are certain factors that may support or detract from credibility, as discussed below, credibility of witness must be assessed in view of the overall context of the evidence presented in trial. The following considerations are not exhaustive.
Time of Report
Notably, not making a timely complaint in a sexual assault or abuse case cannot be used to undermine your credibility (R v D.D, 2000, SCC).
Sexual History
Courts in Canada have determined that past sexual history, such as consenting in a previous instance, does not impact the question of consent or credibility of the complainant. (Darrach). Therefore, even if you engaged in similar sexual activity before with that very person, it is irrelevant to a finding of whether you consented on this particular occasion. Consent before is not equal to consent now.
“Predictable” Human Behaviour Responses
In Ontario, courts have acknowledged that behaviour to situations of stress, fear, shock or crisis are highly unpredictable. Beliefs and view of ‘you could have done this’ or ‘you should have done that’ are attempts to classify people based on predictability, certainty, and logic.
“A woman’s credibility should not be considered on the basis of predetermined scripts as to how she should behave.”
Justice John D. Keast of the Ontario Court of Justice
| Supports Credibility | Detracts from Credibility |
|---|---|
| Based on the judge’s perception of the witness’ demeanor and judge’s belief that the witness had little reason or no motive to fabricate the truth R v MCJ | Confusing, incomplete, disconnected, and contradictory evidence Lally |
| Demeanor of being “thoughtful, careful, and measured in answering questions from Crown counsel and defence counsel” Lally | Testimony that is inconsistent or wavers on material, central, or major issues R v Dinardo |
| Supports Reliability | Detracts from Reliability |
|---|---|
| Evidence that is internally congruent and externally congruent to the evidence of other witnesses at trial Lally | Inconsistencies with one witness’ evidence and another witness’ evidence R v MCJ |
| Corroboration between the complainant’s version account of events and evidence Lally | Unable to recall specific times, places, sequences, and frequency of events R v MCJ |
| Inconsistencies between details to the police in an initial interview, those told during examination in chief, and testified during cross-examination R v MCJ |
Keeping an accurate and detailed written log or diary of the incidents can help prove a claim of sexual harassment or assault. It is best to record the evidence as soon as you believe you experienced the wrongful conduct, while your recollection is still fresh and accurate. Showing a detailed timeline or evolution with dates and times, starting from one or two incidents is important, even if you have no intention of bringing a claim.
At Vesta, we are dedicated to support you in maintaining a detailed record of your sexual harassment and/or assault.
Written by: Jenna Kara
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Our website provides general information that is intended, but not guaranteed, to be correct and up-to-date. The information is not presented as a source of legal advice. You should not rely, for legal advice, on statements or representations made within the website or by any externally referenced Internet sites. If you need legal advice upon which you intend to rely in the course of your legal affairs, consult a competent, independent attorney. Vesta Social Innovation Technologies does not assume any responsibility for actions or non-actions taken by people who have visited this site, and no one shall be entitled to a claim for detrimental reliance on any information provided or expressed.
PTSD can manifest itself in many ways, and can catch you by surprise. A trigger occurs when something sets off a memory or a flashback of the traumatic event, causing an overwhelming emotional and physical reaction that you may be unable to predict. The intensity of the reaction can even match the level felt at the time of trauma.
Triggers can be surprising and often confusing because in that moment, the brain reacts in the same way it did during the assault, and so evokes the same response even when there is no immediate threat. On the other hand, triggers can be obvious like unwanted physical contact or witnessing assault.
They are overwhelming and can leave people feeling re-traumatized. Because triggers are often deeply associated with the senses, commonplace circumstances like seeing the color blue or smelling a rose, can evoke an emotional reaction. This is because the brain associates these senses with the traumatic incident.
Triggers cause survivors of sexualized violence (or any kind of trauma) to feel or behave in the same way they did during or immediately after the traumatic event because the brain does not differentiate what happened then from what is going on around them now. It is also possible that survivors do not realize that they have experienced a trigger and as a result, can be confused about their feelings or behavior.
Although triggers are different for everyone, they are often associated with a person’s senses. Seemingly harmless things, like the smell of a particular flower, could trigger an emotional reaction for a person whose brain has associated that thing with a traumatic experience. The following are some examples of sense-based triggers:
Triggers vary from person to person, and in intensity. They can be activated by sight, smell, touch, sound or smell. Sometimes, you can feel anxiety even when you don’t know what triggered it. As a result, it is important to learn to identify triggers through external support like counseling, so you are able to understand them, manage them, and eventually overcome them. Learn more about what triggers are here: https://ssaic.ca/learn/triggers-what-are-they/. To learn about how to cope with triggers, check out this article: How to cope with triggers
It’s common for people with PTSD to withdraw from friends and family. While it’s important to respect your loved one’s boundaries, your comfort and support can help them overcome feelings of helplessness, grief, and despair. In fact, trauma experts believe that face-to-face support from others is the most important factor in PTSD recovery.
Knowing how to best demonstrate your love and support for someone with PTSD isn’t always easy. You can’t force your loved one to get better, but you can play a major role in the healing process by simply spending time together.
Don’t pressure your loved one into talking. It can be very difficult for people with PTSD to talk about their traumatic experiences. For some, it can make them feel worse. Instead, let them know you’re willing to listen when they want to talk, or just hang out when they don’t. Comfort can come from feeling you there and feeling accepted, not only from talking.
Do “normal” things with your loved one, things that have nothing to do with PTSD or the traumatic experience. Encourage your loved one to participate in rhythmic exercise, seek out friends, and pursue hobbies that bring pleasure. Take a fitness class together, go dancing, or set a regular lunch date with friends and family.
Let your loved one take the lead, rather than telling him or her what to do. Everyone with PTSD is different but most people instinctively know what makes them feel calm and safe. Take cues from your loved one as to how you can best provide support and companionship.
While you shouldn’t push a person with PTSD to talk, if they do choose to share, try to listen without expectations or judgments. Make it clear that you’re interested and that you care, but don’t worry about giving advice. It’s the act of listening attentively that is helpful to your loved one, not what you say.
A person with PTSD may need to talk about the traumatic event over and over again. This is part of the healing process, so avoid the temptation to tell your loved one to stop rehashing the past and move on.
Some of the things your loved one tells you might be very hard to listen to, but it’s important to respect their feelings and reactions. If you come across as disapproving or judgmental, they are unlikely to open up to you again.
Don’t…
Trauma alters the way a person sees the world. The world can seem like a perpetually dangerous and frightening place. It also damages people’s ability to trust others and themselves. If there’s any way you can rebuild your loved one’s sense of security, it will contribute to their recovery.
Express your commitment to the relationship. Let your loved one know that you’re here for the long haul so they feel loved and supported.
Create routines. Structure and predictable schedules can restore a sense of stability and security to people with PTSD, both adults and children. Creating a routine around getting your loved one to help with groceries or housework is one way to start. For example, maintain regular times for meals, or cleaning. Remember, simply “being there” for the person is a routine to maintain.
Minimize stress at home. Try to make sure your loved one has space and time for rest and relaxation.
Speak of the future and make plans. This can help counteract the common feeling among people with PTSD that their future is limited.
Keep your promises. Help rebuild trust by showing that you’re trustworthy. Be consistent and follow through on what you say you’re going to do.
Emphasize your loved one’s strengths. Tell your loved one you believe they’re capable of recovery and point out all of their positive qualities and successes.
Encourage your loved one to join a support group. Getting involved with others who have gone through similar traumatic experiences can help some people with PTSD feel less damaged and alone.
A trigger can be anything—a person, place, thing, or situation—that reminds your loved one of the trauma and sets off a PTSD symptom, such as a flashback. Sometimes, triggers are obvious. For example, a military veteran might be triggered by seeing his combat buddies or by loud noises that sound like gunfire. Others may take some time to identify and understand, such as hearing a song that was playing when the traumatic event occurred. As a result, that song and even others in the same musical genre are triggers. Similarly, triggers don’t have to be external. Internal feelings and sensations can also trigger PTSD symptoms.
Ask your loved one about how they may have coped with triggers in the past. Find out what actions seemed to help and which didn’t. Then you can come up with a joint game plan for how you will respond in future.
Decide with your loved one how you should respond when they have a nightmare, flashback, or panic attack. Having a plan in place will make the situation less scary for both of you. You’ll also be in a much better position to help your loved one calm down.
PTSD can lead to difficulties managing emotions and impulses. In your loved one, this may manifest as extreme irritability, moodiness, or explosions of rage.
People suffering from PTSD live in a constant state of physical and emotional stress. Since they usually have trouble sleeping, it means they’re constantly exhausted, on edge, and physically strung out—increasing the likelihood that they’ll overreact to day-to-day stressors. For many people with PTSD, anger can also be a cover for other feelings such as grief, helplessness, or guilt. Anger makes them feel powerful, instead of weak and vulnerable. Others try to suppress their anger until it erupts when you least expect it.
Watch for signs that your loved one is angry, such as clenching their jaw or fists, talking louder, or getting agitated. Take steps to defuse the situation as soon as you see the initial warning signs.
Try to remain calm. During an emotional outburst, try your best to stay calm. This will communicate to your loved one that you are “safe,” and it will prevent the situation from escalating.
Give the person space. Avoid crowding or grabbing the person. This can make a traumatized person feel threatened.
Ask how you can help. For example: “What can I do to help you right now?” You can also suggest a time out or change of scenery.
Put safety first. If the person gets more upset despite your attempts to calm him or her down, leave the house or lock yourself in a room. Call 911 if you fear that your loved one may hurt himself or others.
Letting your family member’s PTSD dominate your life while ignoring your own needs is a surefire recipe for burnout and may even lead to secondary traumatization. You can develop your own trauma symptoms from listening to trauma stories or being exposed to disturbing symptoms like flashbacks. The more depleted and overwhelmed you feel, the greater the risk is that you’ll become traumatized.
In order to have the strength to be there for your loved one and lower your risk for secondary traumatization, you have to nurture and care for yourself.
Take care of your physical needs: get enough sleep, exercise regularly, eat properly, and look after any medical issues.
Cultivate your own support system. Lean on other family members, trusted friends, your own therapist or support group, or your faith community. Talking about your feelings and what you’re going through can be very cathartic.
Make time for your own life. Don’t give up friends, hobbies, or activities that make you happy. It’s important to have things in your life that you look forward to.
Spread the responsibility. Ask other family members and friends for assistance so you can take a break. You may also want to seek out respite services in your community.
Set boundaries. Be realistic about what you’re capable of giving. Know your limits, communicate them to your family members and others involved, and stick to them.
As intense and powerful as they can be, with time and some cognitive coaching, triggers can become less meaningful. It can be possible for you to learn how to cope with triggers and not be overwhelmed by them.
The first step in getting to this point is to identify your triggers, and the specific symptoms you feel when faced with them. This will help you understand your triggers, manage them, and eventually dissociate with them so they don’t mean as much anymore. One effective way to handle a trigger is through grounding.
Feeling triggered?
Ground yourself by playing
the 5 – 4 – 3 – 2 – 1 Game
Grounding brings your focus to the present by taking note of your surroundings and placing them in the here and now.
An example of this is the 5-4-3-2-1 game:
Keep in mind, however, that while grounding is a great tool to cope with triggers, it is a short term strategy, and in the long term, cognitive processing therapy or cognitive behavioural therapy are highly recommended.
These therapies can be tailored to your experience of PTSD and are effective ways of processing trauma in general.
Find out more about triggers and tools for dealing with triggers.
